hey all

I'm fine, at my gma's house. so gotta go tom's here

The Worst Dream Ever

Last night I had the worst dream ever. I was typing online, and telling laurelin (on her "alex" account) that she should be sorry, because I got hurt. And then, All of the sudden she got online, except it wasn't her. It was alex. It was a real live alex. And he said what are you talking about? I didn't know it wasn't laur, so I immediately told her that she knows full damn well what she did, and that it wasn't funny to keep signing in to her alex account. I cussed her out. Then Alex turned on a video camera and showed me his face. It was just as described. Black hair, Beautiful sparkling blue eyes, and a look of utter sorrow on his face. I gasped in horror. I typed my apologies, but he wouldn't take them. I had just ruined the best relationship in my life. I woke up in a cold sweat. It took forever to get back to sleep but when I finally did, the dream reoccured, except after he gave me his look of dissapointment, I looked beyond him in his camera and saw laurelin behind him with a knife. I tried yelling out but his camera didn't take audio, and I tried typing but my hands refused to move. She moved ever closer, and then she took the final plunge, then again, and again and again, and the blood splattered all over the screen and she just sat there and smiled. Oh it was awful. What does this mean? Will these dreams happen every night?? I hope not.

Bittersweet

You know, I miss it. The feeling that I know someone loves me...that's a huge thing that mad me so angry...was because I thought that I had someone, someone out there who loved me for me romantically, and that i could call baby, and send good morning emails to, and I miss it. I don't know what laur was thinking when she did what she did...but I hope her intent wasn't to hurt me like this. But never-the-less she did. She played with my emotions...she played with my heart. And if any one knows me, they know that my heart is a serious matter, and not something to fuck with. So was she doing me a favor? By letting me think I was loved? even if through cruelty, and only for a day and a half. I don't know. It's one of life's mysteries I guess.
What can I do? I just have to try to move on. continue to be the open hearted Jere I was. It is going to hurt like hell for a while and we will never forget it and I May never trust Laure again but it's times like these we learn a little more about each other.

My fucked up life

Today was the most fucked up day I could have had...ever. If you have been reading my posts, then you would know that I have just started dating this "guy" named "Alex" well guess what? Alex doesn't exist. It was one of my nearest and dearest friends playing a cruel and unwarranted trick on me. Although this isn't the first time I've had heartbreak in my life, it is the first time, when I don't know if I can recover. Ok, I know what you're thinking, you only knew the dude for a few days it couldn't have been that bad. But, alas dear friends, it could. That friend, knew me inside and out, and she used that to her advantage. She knows I adore guys with black hair, and blue eyes, and so she made Alex have black hair and blue eyes. She knew I liked my guys to be shorter than me, so I could hold them more easy, and she made Alex be shorter than me. She knows my likes, my dislikes, she knows everything about me, and she used it against me, like a weapon of mass cruelty. That's what I like to refer to it as. Here let's do an exercise together before moving on shall we?
Imagine a very good friend of yours. Now, picture your friend online, and then you develop this plan...this trick...and so you think it will be funny, and you pretend to be someone else. You pretend to be someone that fits their description of a perfect romantic interest. So you let them fall into the trap. You ask them to tell you all about their life, and their deepest secrets, and everything. Then, the next day you take it a step further. You ask them out, whilst pretending to be this fake person. Then the next day, you go to school, and pretend everything is ok. You laugh with them, and talk with them, and lunch time rolls around, and so you decide to tell them, but not after humiliating them first. So you ask " Come on, tell us about this new person, we really want to know how things are going with him/her!" And your friend, unsuspecting, answers you, making it sound all romantic, and tells everyone how great of a person he is. Then, even after that, you don't care about their feelings. You go straight for the kill. "Guess what?" you say. "I'm that person you were just talking about. All that was fake. I just wanted to see how far you would go."
Would you do that to your friend?

Well that's exactly what happened to me. The most unexpected, most unwanted, not needed, attack on my feelings someone has ever made. And I let it happen. I was vulnerable you know? I let my gaurd down for a split second, thinking, hey people aren't so bad out there, and then WHAM! My heart, my feelings, my....dignity...it's all gone. I feel empty inside...like there's flesh but no soul. A Deep Betrayal is the worst you can feel. I just hope that the person involved knows the gravity of her actions. I hope she knows how much she has hurt me...I hope she knows how much she has killed me. I mean sure I might have said some mean things about her before, but doing this was the worst thing imaginable, I just wish that she would have confronted me about it instead of playing this joke. But...the two worst parts about this is...I told her on the phone how happy I was and how perfect it was and how it was so perfect that I can't help but think that maybe one of my friends was playing a cruel joke on me, and then I said, but no, I know not one of my friends would do that. And she just replied: yeah. I mean she could have stopped at any point, but she took it a hell of a lot further than she should have.

The second thing that kills me is, that I am so gullable. I mean think about it. She tricked me from the inside out, and I just allowed her to do that! I mean...geez, how dumb can I get? Oh but the real thing that pissed me off, was that she used names from her fucking stories that she writes. Then at the lunch table she expected me to know that...but I don't read her stories, so I wouldn't know. Sorry laur i just don't read them.

So now, as I sit here in my room typing this, my soul as black as night, and my heart as hard as ice, I know that it's going to take me a long time to learn to trust people again, because you never know what son of a bitch will kill your heart and laugh at you next.

The Best Birthday Gift ever Given

Last night I recieved the best birthday gift ever given. I got asked out by mistunderstood (A.K.A. Alex) So yeah now we're dating, and it made me the happiest person on the face of the planet. I learned that he was planning on asking me all day since morning time, and I had wanted to ask him, but I was nervous that it was too soon. So I emailed him and asked him his feelings about me, and then he got on yahoo messenger, and we were talking casually, and then he checked his email. Oh my stomach was in knots when he said he was checking his email. Then he messaged me, saying: so you want to know my feelings right? and I of course said yes. And he said the most wonderful things (won't go into details, haha) but long story short, we started dating last night. I am so glad, and even though it has only been a short amount of time, i know that it feels so right. I mean, I feel such a major connection to him. (I know I might be repeating myself) I mean we've only known eachother for a few days and we're dating. When I'm with him I'm the happiest I've been in forever, and when I'm away from him I am constantly thinking of getting back to him. It's all so surreal. I once even thought that it might be my friends playing a trick on me, or that he was some internet stalker that found out stuff about me and then contacted me...be really, I don't think any of those are true. So that leads to the subject of meeting. It's a bit early to start thinking about that, but I can't help it. Of course I'm sure my sis and mom and all my friends will come with me, and it will be a public place...but it's all up to him, when we meet. well anyway, I am so lucky and I know it from the bottom of my heart. LOVE YOU ALEX!!!!!

Jeremie

My Birthday Party was today

My birthday party was today. It was...ok. Don't get me wrong, the people I invited, had a great time, and I love them, and I loved the movie we went to see, and the decorations, and all of that, was what it was supposed to be. Except for the gifts. I mean, usually, my party is fun and we always start out with chatting and what not, then we move on to the gifts. Everyone is always there, around the table to see me open my gifts, and ok, I don't mind that there weren't that many this year, and that all I got was money (because I did ask for money) it's that my dad and mom weren't here to celebrate me. And that is what a birthday is. Is to celebrate someone's life. So, the people that gave me life, the two most essential people in my life, were not there for most of it. Ok, so my mom is in Iraq and didn't have a choice, but my dad did. I love him, but sometimes I just can't help disliking him. All I want to do is just talk to alex. He would make me feel better. But whatever, I'm tired and I have to clean up. Love ya. *kisses*

Tonight I met him

Tonight I met him. The most wonderful guy on the planet. He is so sweet, and so kind, and he has a great sense of humor. He just makes me feel so wonderful, and I don't want that feeling to go away. Anyway, Tomorrow is my b-day party, and I can't wait! It's going to be so much fun! Well I guess I am done with my entry and whatever, so talk to you all later

love ya *kisses*

My day and future days ahead of me

Hello everyone, I am so excited! My birthday party is coming up soon! I can't wait because I asked for 90% of my gifts to be money so I could go shopping! I really want some new clothes, and god knows I need them. Today I looked horrible. I don't even want to talk about it. Anyway graduation for my sister is coming up soon and I can't wait for that either. I am about to go work out since I am badly losing the weight loss war, but anyway we won't talk about that. I gotta go...love ya *kisses*

Starting this new blog thingy

Well hello everyone, I am just starting this thing, and well, it's been a little wierd. Well okay, so it's not, but hey I'm a gay guy, I can lie if I feel like it. Anyway I used to post on this other blogging system, but I decided to switch or at least start a new one, because well hey it looked fun. I was just searching for some info on weather or not Anthony Federov of American Idol is a big flaming mo when, I stumbled upon this blogging system. So today for me was fine, I mean school is school right? and I actually looked good today, probably because I picked out my outfit the night before. I don't want to get too gay so I won't describe my outfit. Anyway if you didn't know, I got the title of my blog from "Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen, because I love, absolutely positively love Lindsey Lohan, even though most of my friends despise her. So yeah, on to my school. Where I go, your either hot or your not, and being cool has got nothing to do with it. You know everyone because it's about a medium sized school, and also, the drama people are always taking control of everything...how do I know? because I'm one of them. Being in Drama at my school is like being in the plastics (mean girls, also a lindsey lohan movie) People just know stuff about you, and we always look hot. So, I hate my face though. Well my friends say I am hot, so I guess I look ok, but this summer, I am losing hella weight, and coloring my hair, and getting plenty of new clothes. My sister, is like The Queen Bee. She is like the Regina George of Rose Hill High, ok she makes some different decisions, but her clique and her wardrobe, and attitude, are about the same. Okay so she is more human than Regina, you know a little better, but other than having better morals she could be plastic. Well anyway I am going to get going, my dad's coming home soon and I am going to cook dinner. Love ya *kisses*