Indulge Yourself.

Nice title right? Say it! It just...*sounds* nice doesn't it? Indulge yourself. Anyway I'm kind of angry that this stupid thing wouldn't upload a damn photo to the page. Pissed me OFF.

So today was alright I guess. I stayed up till like three or four in the A.M. and didn't get up till like 11. (Ooopsies) I was supposed to go to be early and get up early to get used to my schedule...but that didn't happen.

So I got online for a while, and then around twelve something or other, I got out of bed and into the shower. I showered got all hot and awesome, and then drove to the atm to pick up some money and fill up my tank. (It needed it badly) Then I got some mcdonalds, and then went to Tarin's house to swim.

David, Tarin, and Brittany S. were there. We stayed out of the pool for about and hour or so and then went out and got in. It was fun. Then we were drying off and Tarin's mom brought out something called "Santa Fe's" They looked like pinwheels but with this wierd white substance in the middle that looked suspiciously like sour cream but tasted nothing like it.

So after that we drove Brittany home so she could ready for her job at sonic (ick) and when we got back to Tarin's we tried to play with her Ouija board which...didn't work...So instead we played air hockey. I won when I played against David, and lost when I played against Tarin. We got bored with that so we moved on, and I taught them how to play Presidents and Assholes. It was a good time kicking their asses.

I kept forgetting all the time that tomorrow we have school and so everytime Tarin would mention it, I would be like...What?? and then be like 'Oh yeah...dang.' Speaking of school, she said she's planning on going to KU!!!! How friggin awesome is that going to be? Going to school with my sister AND my best friend? We're going to take KU by storm.

I left around five something, and headed home, and arrived just as dad did. He asked me where I went and I explained I'd gone to Tarin's pool party. He cooked dinner (hamburger helper, ICK) and then I called bekah. I tried calling Andrea and Suzie to see if they wanted to go to Starbucks but they said no. So I called Bekah. She was hesitant, saying it was a school night, but she relented. I drove to pick her up and then we went through the drive through at Starbucks because I decided that the night would be dedicated to one thing. Indulging.

We drove to Wal-mart where we proceeded to the candy section. "Bekah," I'd said "The thing we need to make our first day back less painful, is something sweet...CANDY!" So I bought us big bags of candy. We got cream savers, pixie sticks, gum and starbursts. We were trying to go to the toy section to pick out a toy we could play with during class but that didn't really work out :( The toy selection sucked major monkey vagina.

Afterwards we got back into the car and I drove her home, and we split up the candy so we'd both have something sweet to have with us the next day, and then I drove home. Now I'm sitting here typing this because I'm not sure what else I want to do yet. But I want to do at least one more thing to indulge myself, bring a sweet close to summer, and make going to school tomorrow seem a little less painful.

That's all.

Signed,

A Fabulous Gay Man

Queen Trixie J.D. the first

Pieces of Me

Well, the title seems to be alright, but the subject matter is...ugh.
I'm tired of my life. My familial life with my father...and I use the term loosely. I'm tired of pretending things are ok, and that we like eachother, and I'm tired of making small talk about nothing that interests me, and I'm tired of feeling like everytime I'm with or near my father I have to shut down myself. Shut down who I really am.

It's true, that I do shut my true self down around him because he would never accept the real me. He's a sexist, bigoted, asian who doesn't know any better and I just wished things were different.

Almost every day I go through scenarios where I tell him who I really am, and each reaction is different. Sometimes he's angry and kicks me out and I tell him to fuck off, and sometimes that's like the bridge we needed between us that spans across the bottom-less pit that is our relationship, because I was finally free and honest and able to be me.

It hurts to have to hide, but what hurts worse is the fact that I know without a doubt that most of my scenarios are just dreaming, that he'd problem do something worse like send me into a group of church counselor's who would tell me that I'm evil, and that a demon lives inside of me.
So often I find myself just wanting to run away...but I know that I can't do that. It would just make things worse for me, and their opinion of me (which matters not to me) would sink lower and lower.

And really, the only thing that has kept me going this far is because I know that if I stop pretending then it will all be real for this family. And this family will break into pieces and never have a chance in hell of being whole.

And so I act.

-Trixie-

It's a Big Gay World

That's right, it's one big gay world, so Fuck off Fred Phelps! Anyway, guess what? I woke up today at 7 A.M.!!!!! Shocking isn't it? Almost as shocking as this crazy green color that seemed ugly to me just moments ago.

So my weightloss thing hasn't been going very well. Seantella had been working on a diet plan for me but then at the last minute she decided I wasn't ''committed enough" which really pissed me off because she didn't even get the chance to see that I would be committed to doing her plan. I told her, "I'm going to laugh when you come back and I'm all skinny." and she had the nerve to say "Ok whatever, I doubt it." That's really been a great motivational tool for me. To be able to say, "You know what Seantella, I am losing this weight and I will be thin biatch!"

Onto more 'exciting' matters, and I use the term exciting loosely. I've most definitly become obsessed with Chakotay/Paris Slash. It's two characters from 'Star Trek: Voyager' that I'm tottally in love with. Some of the stuff I've found is PURE genius...*hears the sound of laughter and pointing fingers*...Yeah yeah, laugh at the big gay geek.

I've spent countless hours of my time reading some of the best fiction there is, and it's only served to inspire me to write my best as well. Original and Fiction.

So I'm really bored this week now that Crystal has up and moved to her new appartment. It's been like a void in the house that screams 'Crystal's not here' everytime I'm upstairs and don't hear the familiar pounding of the keyboard keys from her room. On Wednesday I'm going to the high school to film a film for Dakota to enter into 'Tallgrass Film Festival'. I hope everything goes according to his plan because he's even spent between $80-100. It's crazy; he's really depending on everyone to do a great job for him. The script is hilarious by the way. I absolutely love it.

Suzie's back from wherever it is she went again, and instead of moving into Melissa's like she had originally planned, melissa has now moved over to Suzie's because she has termites in her house and as suzie says "I don't play that" I still have to return her movie "Monster in Law" and I'm now feeling the strange urge to borrow Queer as Folk from her again. *sigh*

School will be starting soon, to my dismay. I will miss this lounging and stress-free summer days and nights...a lifestyle to which I've become accustom. I suppose though, that the sooner the year starts, the sooner it will be over. I'm drama club Vice President this year!!!!! I'm excited for that. Really I am. I think I can make a difference and bring order and fun to the club, as long as everyone on the board sticks together and knows just to have fun. Of course with Bekah as our president that shouldn't be a huge problem. The only thing I'm worried about is ACT scores. I don't think mine are going to be high enough. Yada Yada Yada. So basically school this year is going to be half pleasant, but not really because it's...school.

That's all.

Signed

A Fabulous Gay Man

Queen Trixie Jeremie Donald the First