Love hurts in the variety of those who feel it in the Unrequited

Wow. I just LOVED this movie. I saw it with my mother tonight and...it was beautiful. The wording was right, the acting was amazing, and it was happy in the places it was supposed to be, and sad in the places it seemed right at, and funny at the places that it's nice to be funny at.

Basically it was a movie after my own heart. It brought me really close to tears, which is hard to do to me for a movie, so it definitly gets my seal of approval. I just loved every minute of it.

Anyway, today in a nutshell, was good. School was a drag, but that seems to always happen when winter break (or spring break even) is near. So that's natural. I'm completely dreading finals. It's going to be a hellish ordeal for me. Mainly because I don't do too hot on regular tests and things like that.

Chemistry is going to be my WORST final to take I believe. I hate that class with a fiery passion. I'm trying to decide what major I want to do when I get into college...I'm thinking about literature/journalism/advertising. Not all of them, but those are my top choices. I want something to do with writing, but I also think it would be great to major in literature, and maybe be a book editor and write on the side.

But whatever, I don't know how I went off on THAT tangent.

Just know that I'm feeling happier in these days then I have in a while.

That's all,

Signed,

A Fabulous Gay Man,

Queen Trixie J.D. the First

Fairy Power

Well...My life right now is interesting. Meaning I feel like it's an out of body experience...or something.

First of all, mom is home, yay mom! I have loved seeing her again after so long, and I will continue to love seeing her. This weekend we'll be going to manhattan. First to go apartment shopping then to visit with family. I'm UBER excited.

But back to what I was talking about. I don't label what I'm feeling as depression, even though things are hard right now. But it's just that...I don't really feel anything about...anything. Besides my mother being here, which has been the highlight of what seems to be a few beige months.

What do I mean by beige you ask? Think of the color. Picture it in your mind. Go find a room or object that you know of with the color beige. Imagine staring at it for hours, or maybe even living in an all beige house and being confined to it. That's what my life has been like. Everything's been beige, the food is beige, the clothes are beige, the conversations are beige, the people are beige, it's beige. All if meaningless, all of it pointless...I'm indifferent.

I think maybe I've lost my mojo for life. You know, usually I try to be happy about life, and I take a positive spin on things...but...I can't seem to feel that anymore. I don't care anymore. The only thing I'm trying at is grades. And that's usually half-assed too. Luckily, I'm an actor, so no one has really known that life in Queen Trixie land has been beige.

I was watching 'Queer as Folk' the other night and...it was the episode in which Deb says to Emmet ''That famous flame of yours is just about out.'' I feel that way. I feel that way.

Emmet ends up going to this thing called a ''Fairy Gathering'' that ends up making him feel better because he has a talk with the founder. And the Founder of the group is moving rocks and Emmet is having trouble doing it, and the Founder says 'here give me that' and takes it without trouble. And emmet says that he's strong for an old fairy. The founder replies, "It's called Fairy Power. It's what sustains us; makes us strong. Sometimes we forget we have it, but it's there." I wish that I could feel/remember what it felt like to have my 'fairy power' if there is such a thing.

Anyway, I'm sure I've bored you all by now, but just know that I'm alright. For the most part, I'm alive, with a roof over my head, and a mother here who cares for me. Things could be better, but I will never forget that they could be worse, and I'll thank the lord everyday for what I have now.

As always, thank you for taking the time to read this.

That's all.

Signed,

A Fabulous Gay Man,

Queen Trixie J.D. the First