Fairy Power

Well...My life right now is interesting. Meaning I feel like it's an out of body experience...or something.

First of all, mom is home, yay mom! I have loved seeing her again after so long, and I will continue to love seeing her. This weekend we'll be going to manhattan. First to go apartment shopping then to visit with family. I'm UBER excited.

But back to what I was talking about. I don't label what I'm feeling as depression, even though things are hard right now. But it's just that...I don't really feel anything about...anything. Besides my mother being here, which has been the highlight of what seems to be a few beige months.

What do I mean by beige you ask? Think of the color. Picture it in your mind. Go find a room or object that you know of with the color beige. Imagine staring at it for hours, or maybe even living in an all beige house and being confined to it. That's what my life has been like. Everything's been beige, the food is beige, the clothes are beige, the conversations are beige, the people are beige, it's beige. All if meaningless, all of it pointless...I'm indifferent.

I think maybe I've lost my mojo for life. You know, usually I try to be happy about life, and I take a positive spin on things...but...I can't seem to feel that anymore. I don't care anymore. The only thing I'm trying at is grades. And that's usually half-assed too. Luckily, I'm an actor, so no one has really known that life in Queen Trixie land has been beige.

I was watching 'Queer as Folk' the other night and...it was the episode in which Deb says to Emmet ''That famous flame of yours is just about out.'' I feel that way. I feel that way.

Emmet ends up going to this thing called a ''Fairy Gathering'' that ends up making him feel better because he has a talk with the founder. And the Founder of the group is moving rocks and Emmet is having trouble doing it, and the Founder says 'here give me that' and takes it without trouble. And emmet says that he's strong for an old fairy. The founder replies, "It's called Fairy Power. It's what sustains us; makes us strong. Sometimes we forget we have it, but it's there." I wish that I could feel/remember what it felt like to have my 'fairy power' if there is such a thing.

Anyway, I'm sure I've bored you all by now, but just know that I'm alright. For the most part, I'm alive, with a roof over my head, and a mother here who cares for me. Things could be better, but I will never forget that they could be worse, and I'll thank the lord everyday for what I have now.

As always, thank you for taking the time to read this.

That's all.

Signed,

A Fabulous Gay Man,

Queen Trixie J.D. the First