Breakdown

Hey everyone. What's going on? Like the pic? It's of Melissa Ethridge. I love her. I'm listening to her Breakdown CD right now. It just seemed fitting somehow.

I went to visit Ann today. Yeah that's right. Ann Sand. Can you believe it? It's been so long. A little bit longer than a year, but it seems like an eternity.

She looked good. I hadn't seen her (upclose) since she'd gotten her hair cut. It was a random, happen-stance way that we got together.

You see Suzie had met up with her in Minnesota (I believe) by chance, and they got to talking and they had a few drinks and had a good ole' time together, and then that was that. So about a weekend after their meeting, I was at Suzie's and she told me that she'd seen Ann, and a suprising thing occured. I suspected that I'd feel angry at Ann for being what I saw before as the cause of sooo many problems with my mother, but I didn't. What I felt was suprise. Like finding something I'd forgotten I'd had.

Ann hadn't been apart of my thoughts in a while. The last time I thought about her in fact was when my mother was here. She went and had drinks and dinner with Ann. Sort of as a goodbye thing I guess. I didn't see Ann then though. My mom said she had a good time.

Anyway, so I asked Suzie for Ann's number because I wanted to say hello after all this time. Well I called her up today after school and she answered her phone, and I asked what she was doing and she said she was going to work out at Emerald City. I was blown away! The last I'd heard from Suzie, was that she was at Fort Riley. Well no, she was here to do some work-related business.

So I said well how long you in town for? I think we should get together. She said, I'm in town for a few days, but yeah I'd love to get together! So then I asked what she was doin tonight, and she said she really didn't have much to do after she worked out, so we made a date to see eachother at 7.

I was suprisingly excited. (laugh) I told dad that I was going to a friends to study. I left home around...6:19 and returned some blockbuster movies dad and I had rented and then headed over to the holiday inn on Rock.

When I knocked, and she opened the door it was like...WoW. Things had changed so much from when I'd seen her! She looked fantastic. We hugged for like 10 minutes just hugging. It was like nothing else...then Suzie came out from her hiding spot in the bedroom, lol.

At first I was a little dissapointed because I thought it'd be just me and Ann, but I love suzie so it didn't matter too much.

We spent the first half hour or so just catching up on things, talking about what I do at school and the drama department, and all that jazz. Then we were trying to decide on what to watch on tv, and settled for ordering "Click" on the hotel menu. I'd seen the movie before, but the two of them hadn't, but it was still great.

Then around the ending minutes I said I'd better go (it was 9:30 p.m.) and so Ann and I hugged twice, on the couch, and I hugged Suzie, and then I was leaving and Ann followed me to the door and it was wierd, cause we couldn't stop hugging each other...She said "Gosh Jeremie, you've grown so much...Just...look at you...you're a young man." and she started to tear up. I hugged her one last long time, and promised to keep in touch. I was happy to see Ann but I didn't understand until I was at home what she was crying about. I was sitting there, eating a late dinner, and dad was sitting across from me reading the bible out loud, when I realized...She loved to see me. She loved seeing me, and I loved seeing her...and that, was more love (the crying) than I would get from my own father.

Also...I kind of suspect that the reason she was crying too was the same reason I almost started too back home...it's that, we both know and love (in her case have loved, intimately) my mother, and in a way it was like she was there again. It was like having a piece of her there with us. And she wasn't just hugging me, she was hugging my mother. They were almost serious partners. They were planning their future together, and when you do that with someone you love them deeply.

Circumstance and life happened, and they're not together anymore, but you can never erase the memories, and the feelings of loving someone. Never, never.

So all in all it was a fantastic, and emotional time for us both, but it was wonderful, and I wouldn't take it back.

That's all.

Until Next Time,

Signed,

A Fabulous Gay Man,

Queen Trixie Jeremie Donald the First.