Fall is here!

It's coming on fall, and the leaves are changing colors all around. Today, as I got up for school, I actually had to warm up my car, and put on a light sweater to keep warm. It's in the beginning stages where things are finally cooling down from summer, and it's nice. It reminds me of when mom was here, and I used to spend evenings at her apartment until I had to go home, and I'd bundle up in my jacket and scarf, and go down to my car and listen to Gwen Steffani on the way home...more than once late, so dad would call on my cell phone.

It may not seem like much but it's the memories like these that keep my warm heart even as the outside air gets cold. I can still smell the cinnamon she'd put in decorative baskets around her place, and even hear the laughter that filled the void.

I so miss her. Usually, I'll go about my day, and little things will trigger small memories or feelings or thoughts and it kind of keeps me going but at the same time makes me want to stop and just wait for her to come home.

Around this time of year is when I start to feel really happy about everything. It's like my life's high, and I'd have to say my favorite season. "I would send you a bouqet of newly sharpened pencils, if I knew your name and address" That's from you've got mail. It's quirky things like this I've discovered about myself around this time of year. Like I think a newly sharpened bouqet of pencils would be nice, and I LOVE LOVE LOVE the smell of scotch tape. Especially on presents, but not because they're on presents, but because that's the easiest way to smell the tape.

The school play this year is in the fall, because that's the only way our music teacher would play the music for our school musical. So auditions were this friday and saturday, and today is monday. I wished they would have posted the dang cast list already, because it's killing my nerves, this not knowing. Everyone keeps saying how they're so sure I'm getting a part, but then why aren't I as confident in myself as they seem to be?

Anyway, I don't really want an answer, I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void.

So goodnight dear void.

That's All.

Signed,

A Fabulous Gay Man

Queen Trixie J.D. the First

Breakdown

Hey everyone. What's going on? Like the pic? It's of Melissa Ethridge. I love her. I'm listening to her Breakdown CD right now. It just seemed fitting somehow.

I went to visit Ann today. Yeah that's right. Ann Sand. Can you believe it? It's been so long. A little bit longer than a year, but it seems like an eternity.

She looked good. I hadn't seen her (upclose) since she'd gotten her hair cut. It was a random, happen-stance way that we got together.

You see Suzie had met up with her in Minnesota (I believe) by chance, and they got to talking and they had a few drinks and had a good ole' time together, and then that was that. So about a weekend after their meeting, I was at Suzie's and she told me that she'd seen Ann, and a suprising thing occured. I suspected that I'd feel angry at Ann for being what I saw before as the cause of sooo many problems with my mother, but I didn't. What I felt was suprise. Like finding something I'd forgotten I'd had.

Ann hadn't been apart of my thoughts in a while. The last time I thought about her in fact was when my mother was here. She went and had drinks and dinner with Ann. Sort of as a goodbye thing I guess. I didn't see Ann then though. My mom said she had a good time.

Anyway, so I asked Suzie for Ann's number because I wanted to say hello after all this time. Well I called her up today after school and she answered her phone, and I asked what she was doing and she said she was going to work out at Emerald City. I was blown away! The last I'd heard from Suzie, was that she was at Fort Riley. Well no, she was here to do some work-related business.

So I said well how long you in town for? I think we should get together. She said, I'm in town for a few days, but yeah I'd love to get together! So then I asked what she was doin tonight, and she said she really didn't have much to do after she worked out, so we made a date to see eachother at 7.

I was suprisingly excited. (laugh) I told dad that I was going to a friends to study. I left home around...6:19 and returned some blockbuster movies dad and I had rented and then headed over to the holiday inn on Rock.

When I knocked, and she opened the door it was like...WoW. Things had changed so much from when I'd seen her! She looked fantastic. We hugged for like 10 minutes just hugging. It was like nothing else...then Suzie came out from her hiding spot in the bedroom, lol.

At first I was a little dissapointed because I thought it'd be just me and Ann, but I love suzie so it didn't matter too much.

We spent the first half hour or so just catching up on things, talking about what I do at school and the drama department, and all that jazz. Then we were trying to decide on what to watch on tv, and settled for ordering "Click" on the hotel menu. I'd seen the movie before, but the two of them hadn't, but it was still great.

Then around the ending minutes I said I'd better go (it was 9:30 p.m.) and so Ann and I hugged twice, on the couch, and I hugged Suzie, and then I was leaving and Ann followed me to the door and it was wierd, cause we couldn't stop hugging each other...She said "Gosh Jeremie, you've grown so much...Just...look at you...you're a young man." and she started to tear up. I hugged her one last long time, and promised to keep in touch. I was happy to see Ann but I didn't understand until I was at home what she was crying about. I was sitting there, eating a late dinner, and dad was sitting across from me reading the bible out loud, when I realized...She loved to see me. She loved seeing me, and I loved seeing her...and that, was more love (the crying) than I would get from my own father.

Also...I kind of suspect that the reason she was crying too was the same reason I almost started too back home...it's that, we both know and love (in her case have loved, intimately) my mother, and in a way it was like she was there again. It was like having a piece of her there with us. And she wasn't just hugging me, she was hugging my mother. They were almost serious partners. They were planning their future together, and when you do that with someone you love them deeply.

Circumstance and life happened, and they're not together anymore, but you can never erase the memories, and the feelings of loving someone. Never, never.

So all in all it was a fantastic, and emotional time for us both, but it was wonderful, and I wouldn't take it back.

That's all.

Until Next Time,

Signed,

A Fabulous Gay Man,

Queen Trixie Jeremie Donald the First.

Come on Barbie Let's Go Party! OH OH OH YEAH

What better way to start off a post, than a very homosexual song, and a pic of a cute boy?

So anyway, even though my exterior appears all happy and things, life isn't as generous as it seems.

But you know what they say about when life gets you down? "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swiiiimmming, what do you do, you swim, keep swimming..." or maybe that's Dory on Finding Nemo...either way it has the same message doesn't it! Don't let life get you down.

I'm doing fine I guess. Although things w/ dad could be better. He's nice to me and everything, but he's just a father and not a dad...and YES there is a difference. Any male can FATHER a child, but it takes someone awesomely special to be a dad. My dad meets my needs as a teen. Such as giving me money when I need it for school related stuff, and even when it's not school related, or buying me school clothes/supplies...but honestly, there's no real substance to our relationship...if there was, I'd be able to tell him I'm gay and not be afraid of what his reaction will be.

But on to less depressing matters. School's going ok. My least favorite subject in the whole wide world is Chemistry because it sucks major monkey balls...my favorite is a close tie between Speech (cause it's easy) and Teacher's Assistant for Mr. Anderson, our new english teacher who replaced Ms. Foresburg. (sadly) Except today when he had me stack books in the book closet...they were heavy and there were a lot, and the door had to be re-unlocked all the time. It was friggin ridiculous.

I have no love life, so moving on...

Exercising is going alright I suppose...I've just started a workout blog, which you should all check out at: http://jesuisfattygay.blogspot.com/

Anywho, that was just a short and sweet little update. I hope you enjoyed it.
If you wanna hang out or talk or something gimme a holla!

That's All.

Signed,

A Fabulous Gay Man,

Queen Trixie J.D. the First