My fucked up life

Today was the most fucked up day I could have had...ever. If you have been reading my posts, then you would know that I have just started dating this "guy" named "Alex" well guess what? Alex doesn't exist. It was one of my nearest and dearest friends playing a cruel and unwarranted trick on me. Although this isn't the first time I've had heartbreak in my life, it is the first time, when I don't know if I can recover. Ok, I know what you're thinking, you only knew the dude for a few days it couldn't have been that bad. But, alas dear friends, it could. That friend, knew me inside and out, and she used that to her advantage. She knows I adore guys with black hair, and blue eyes, and so she made Alex have black hair and blue eyes. She knew I liked my guys to be shorter than me, so I could hold them more easy, and she made Alex be shorter than me. She knows my likes, my dislikes, she knows everything about me, and she used it against me, like a weapon of mass cruelty. That's what I like to refer to it as. Here let's do an exercise together before moving on shall we?
Imagine a very good friend of yours. Now, picture your friend online, and then you develop this plan...this trick...and so you think it will be funny, and you pretend to be someone else. You pretend to be someone that fits their description of a perfect romantic interest. So you let them fall into the trap. You ask them to tell you all about their life, and their deepest secrets, and everything. Then, the next day you take it a step further. You ask them out, whilst pretending to be this fake person. Then the next day, you go to school, and pretend everything is ok. You laugh with them, and talk with them, and lunch time rolls around, and so you decide to tell them, but not after humiliating them first. So you ask " Come on, tell us about this new person, we really want to know how things are going with him/her!" And your friend, unsuspecting, answers you, making it sound all romantic, and tells everyone how great of a person he is. Then, even after that, you don't care about their feelings. You go straight for the kill. "Guess what?" you say. "I'm that person you were just talking about. All that was fake. I just wanted to see how far you would go."
Would you do that to your friend?

Well that's exactly what happened to me. The most unexpected, most unwanted, not needed, attack on my feelings someone has ever made. And I let it happen. I was vulnerable you know? I let my gaurd down for a split second, thinking, hey people aren't so bad out there, and then WHAM! My heart, my feelings, my....dignity...it's all gone. I feel empty inside...like there's flesh but no soul. A Deep Betrayal is the worst you can feel. I just hope that the person involved knows the gravity of her actions. I hope she knows how much she has hurt me...I hope she knows how much she has killed me. I mean sure I might have said some mean things about her before, but doing this was the worst thing imaginable, I just wish that she would have confronted me about it instead of playing this joke. But...the two worst parts about this is...I told her on the phone how happy I was and how perfect it was and how it was so perfect that I can't help but think that maybe one of my friends was playing a cruel joke on me, and then I said, but no, I know not one of my friends would do that. And she just replied: yeah. I mean she could have stopped at any point, but she took it a hell of a lot further than she should have.

The second thing that kills me is, that I am so gullable. I mean think about it. She tricked me from the inside out, and I just allowed her to do that! I mean...geez, how dumb can I get? Oh but the real thing that pissed me off, was that she used names from her fucking stories that she writes. Then at the lunch table she expected me to know that...but I don't read her stories, so I wouldn't know. Sorry laur i just don't read them.

So now, as I sit here in my room typing this, my soul as black as night, and my heart as hard as ice, I know that it's going to take me a long time to learn to trust people again, because you never know what son of a bitch will kill your heart and laugh at you next.