Open your Mind

So today was completely amazing. Ok, so I exaggerate. But I'm alive. I'm breathing and healthy and I have my friends. I have people who care about me.

I don't understand why there are so many people who have everything who don't realize how blessed they are. All they worry about is what dress to wear to the prom, while some people have to worry about where their next meal is coming from.

I won't lie. I'm no saint when it comes to that. I have had my fair share of pointless drama. But I'm trying to get away from that. I'm realizing more and more everyday how beautiful life can be. If only you Open Your Mind.

So back to today. I hung out with Kendra whilst she did her laundry and we read cosmo (it was sooo fun! no joke). And then we played pool and I kicked her ass (love ya girl) and then I had sushi with my mother. God do you know how long it's been since I have had sushi? Too damn long let me tell you what. California rolls at Kwan Court are to DIE for. Then I went to Village Inn to hang out with Emily, James, and Kendra.

Something else I'm realizing. It's the little things throughout my day that make it awesome. Just chillin' at my house reading Cosmo without any expectations to do anything else. I mean, how many times have you just actually hung out with your friends? Sober? Doing nothing that cost money or remotely involved video games or something like that?

Hanging out with a small group like two or three people isn't so bad. It's up there with hanging out with the whole group at VI. So all it really takes is some good people and that right there is a recipe for a good time.

Anyhow. Tomorrow is the first day of school. Blah. I'm trying not to think of it as a bad thing. Most of the graduated seniors I have talked to have said that their second semesters have been the best of their senior career. So I look forward to it.

And jumping topics, I wrote a script! I had people come over to do a dry read. They liked it...kind of. But I'm in the process of making some revisions. The new script will be kick ass. It's about a demon and a past-life seer. Pretty fxcking amazing I'd say. You'd just have to read it I guess.

I'm so excited for this time in my life. I don't know why, seeing as I'm broke. But it's not necessarily all about the money. I'm looking for a new job right now anyway. In a few months, I'll be graduated, and if all goes smoothly (*knock wood*) I'm going to KU in the fall. It's all so exciting and all so wonderful and I'm sure this cloud I'm floating on will be down a couple of times but in general, it's a good feeling. I'm starting to understand what they mean when they say, 'New Lease on Life'.

Alright, well I know I've bored you enough. I'll get on with it.

May you achieve your highest dreams, may you live life to the fullest and may you be blessed in your health and happiness.

That's all.

Signed,

A Fabulous Gay Man,

Queen Trixie J.D. the First

Dear World

Dear World.


These past few weeks have been some that I will never forget. Not because anyone did anything to make it that way, not because of some boy or some new thing in my life.


No, it's been...an awakening. Over break, I met this boy (not where the awakening started or stopped by the way) And he was cute and we kissed...ok so we made out. It was fantastic and I can now have the pleasure of saying, I've been kissed. Then when I was scheduled to go back to work, I found out an hour before I had to go in and decided that if I didn't go in that day, I would never go back in at all. That is exactly what I did. I called in and quit right there. Had I any bills or pressing debts, then I would never have had the balls to quit my job like that.


Note to self: Quitting my job may have been the shit, but it has also turned out to be the scariest shit in my entire life. After having a job and a secure paycheck, it feels like I'm naked...like a fish out of water. Trying to get back in the job-hunting game after being out of it for so long is very hard, believe it or not. Oh sure, now I have all the tips and tricks but...who's going to hire a 17 yr old guy with one 9 month job on his record...that he quit. So many times this past week I've reviewed my decision to quit. Yes right now I could be recieving a stable paycheck, yes right now I could be secure. But I'm 17, and fuck If I want to live on the wild side for a while then I say, why not? Why not experience doing something some people never get to: The joy of quitting their job on the spot.


Not having a job, has been hard though. I'm so used to being able to plan on having money. Yeah sure it's nice to sit around all day, and get up past noon but after a while it gets old. I'm reminded of my Uncle James who spends most of his time losing his jobs while getting drunk and sleeping in until either his bladder or his stomach wakes him up. Do I want that kind of life? Fuck no. And I'm going to do everything in my power not to make quitting my job a trend. All I have to do is think of my Uncle and I'm suddenly motivated again.

This is such a scary time in my life. I'm moving on, I'm going to college soon (*fingers crossed*) and this whole experience is...like...BAM life comes at you fast. I just have to put a positive spin on things, and if I can do that, I can do anything.


There are places I have applied: Pizza Hut, Payless. I've applied at pizza hut exactly a week ago today, and they haven't called me. I went in on Wednesday and checked up on my application but they didn't say anything about it. All I can do is watch, wait, hope and listen. I'm supposed to be calling Payless back tomorrow, so hopefully that goes well. Also, I am applying at places in the mall and maybe a little further up on rock. Depending on how far I want to drive everyday. Don't want my paychecks all going to gas, now do I?


So I'm excited for this new semester at school. I'm sure I'll still not like getting up in the morning to go, but I can rock that shit and tear it up, you know? It's something that's got to be done and I can have fun doing it. Hell it's going to be the last four months I ever spend in that place, so I'll make them something to remember. Something I can end on a positive not and never look back on.


In lawrence I wonder how many job opportunities there will be. I want to be like Carissa and work at the Salon, but I don't think that would go over with her very well. Besides I need to make my own path in my life there at Lawrence. I just don't know what I would do. I do NOT want to work at fast food. If I can get a job in retail that would be fucking amazing. The only thing stopping me from doing the same here is my age. Most places in the mall want you to be 18 before you work in retail.


A big dream, and I mean it's not something I think I might do the rest of my life (although life is crazy so who really knows) I would love to experience being a party planner. I love throwing parties. Everything down to the detail being perfect. I think if I was just given a chance to show everyone what I can do, then it'd be awesome. But the problem is, the people that are throwing the party actually have to have money to plan the party with...not to mention pay me with.


Speaking of parties, I've been to quite a few this break. Not to mention my recent job-quitting-lazy-binge I've been on, I've been eating so much food I don't know what to do with myself. So I decided to get back on the exercise band wagon. Lord knows how many times I have said that...but I really really really want this. And there's no reason I can't have it. Like quitting my job. Kendra is really an inspiration to me. She goes to school, she works, and she's got her shit together. She knows what she wants...and if she doesn't, she'll do what her heart tells her to do. So I asked her if we could work out together sometime. I really think she's a good friend. Yeah we may not always be this close and we may only be close some times, but when it counts I know she has the morals and values and just all around greatness that I need in my life. I can expect a true friend when I go to her. So just a shout out, thank you!


I'm going to start focusing more on me these days. All the time all I ever do is think about other people and what they want. For instance. I take my high school friends everywhere, because it's nice. Hell if I had someone to happily cart my ass around when I was in high school, I would worship the ground they fxcking walked on. But the problem is, I have no job, therefore no extra money for gas, and they sure as hell aren't made of money. Or at least none that they are giving me. So I'm going to have to start being mean about it. Going to have to ask for SOMETHING! I just give and give and give to the people I care about and it seems that I get shat on. If I need a good friend, someone to talk to, it's usually not there (except you kendra). And that really sucks. So I'm going to stop being nice about it. I'm going to start focusing on what the hell I want to do. Period.


Anyway, I need to start looking for scholarships. I'm hoping to help my father out on this whole school dealy. I know it can cost a lot and especially since the residence hall I want to stay in costs a hell of a lot of money. And I mean...wow, because it just got renovated.


So I think I've yammered on about everything under my sun and then some. I'm going to stop boring you all.

All I can wish if for happiness, clarity, peace and love in all of your lives. May you be successful in whatever you are doing, may you acheive the highest of your dreams and may you live like there's no tomorrow.


That's all.


Signed,


A Fabulous Gay Man,


Queen Trixie J.D. the First.