I'm two faced, but don't worry, both faces are pretty

Acting is a blessing...and a curse. It's a defense mechanism and a weapon. You can't be made into an actor. If you're good, you were born with it in your blood. Your talent building as you went on.

Sometimes, when you've gained the experience with it, it becomes a drug. You get addicted to it, and if you aren't careful, you can Act yourself into someone fake.

Acting is just a glorified version of lieing, and although one is for entertainment, it's as if they go hand in hand.

Why am I saying all this? Why does it matter?

Because in order to get out of going to a friend's house I did an hour of intricate acting, armed with intensity and emotion, I used my full aresenal...without a second thought. There's also a double strike against me because I'm gay, and being in the closet makes you learn to lie well.

I'm sitting back after the experience, and I'm feeling guilty as shit. Sometimes I don't think of it too much. I don't think it's a huge deal sometimes...but tonight, it's different for some reason...have I lost my conscious? Have I no heart?

All I know is, I'm on the precipice where childhood and adulthood meets, and I'm teetering on the edge. It's scary as fuck. As I live each day, and learn each lesson, I grow weary of my situation. I don't know if I'll make it...I don't know what the future holds, and it scares me.

All I can do is sit and watch as my future unfolds.

That's all.

Signed,

A Fabulous Gay Man,

Queen Trixie J.D. the First