Feeling It

See this picture? Voyager is getting attacked. I picked this one for todays entry because the people I know and love are getting attacked.

Not physically, but emotionally. In some way, shape, or form, something has been happening to each and every person I know and love, one by one.

Carissa with the break-up, Myra with the Break-up, Emily with her break-up, Brittani and Mandi and some others dealing with getting their heads bitten off by Emily. Tom with his heartbreak, Kendra with her family and boyfriend problems, our mom and family with her being deployed.

All this seems so small, but small things add up like no other. I hate it. There's lots of crying and depression, and sadness. It's so...dramatically angsty. I'm trying not to be...but...

But the people I love most are getting attacked, and that affects alot. Alot of things, alot of people. Through actions, words, or ministrations it doesn't matter, it affects someone or something.

And that's exactly what this is about. The People I love are getting Attacked and I'm feeling it. I wish it would just go away, but if it were that simple, I would be much happier by now. I'm not the one that should be complaining about these things, but I'm the only one that seems willing. They're the ones getting hurt, and they cry out in their own way, but other than that they try to act like everything is ok. Even though I'm not at the center of most of those problems, I still feel worry, or anxiety over them and I just...can't help it. It sucks, and I wish thoroughly that things can get better soon. Not just for me, but for them. Because if things get better for them, then most likely they will be better for me.

I'm so tired all of the time. I fall asleep almost too instantly and go to bed too early these days. It's so wierd, I don't even know how I end up falling asleep like I do. I think something's wrong. I shouldn't be able to do that. I know it's not sleep deprivation, because hell, like I said, I go to bed way too early and don't wake up till morning...

Mom put lunch money on my card. I was kind of pissed at myself. I didn't mean to make her spend extra money on me just because of a journal entry. I took the money, and am using it as lunch money, but I still feel guilty.

I wonder how she is doing. I know she gets tired alot too...and that she worries about coming home and stuff. I hope she knows I love her alot, and that she'll always be doing things right in my eyes. I miss her alot, and I know everybody else does too. Once she's back, I think...I hope everything will be better for everyone.

I'm so effing tired. I woke up from sleeping at ten, and I forced myself to get up and do something. It's unnatural. Anyway, it's about ten twelve right now, and I think that's sufficient. I'm going back to bed.

I hope you all had fun doing what you did tonight, and I hope that if you're in pain, it'll be better, and if you're not in pain, then I hope you don't have to feel any for as long as humanly possible.

Loving you all,
J.H.