Life's the Enemy

I don't know what's wrong anymore. When did it start, how did it happen?

All I know, is that I'm sick of the same thing. I'm sick of pretending. It was easier to not feel so trapped when Mom was here, or Crystal. But...they aren't here.

I miss mom so much. It's hard to think about sometimes, and the only thought that keeps me sane around here, is that she'll be home in about a month and a half.

I hate pretending that everything's ok with dad. It's so clear that it's not. But then again, he's too blind to see that his children's orientation isn't exactly straight, and he's pracitcally read that on paper.

I don't know where today ends and tomorrow begins, and I don't know what minute has passed or where it's going. It's so futile anymore, that I just try to focus on school, and enjoying the activity's that I can do.

Suzie's gonna be gone for about nine days. Brother's wedding I think. So there that goes.

Myra and I...we didn't talk about what happened...but I was being civil towards her. I know that in my eyes, she made a mistake but..for the sake of everyone, and even for ourselves, I think I shouldn't let that taint my vision of her. She's still an awesome person.

Mom says she's getting tired of the monotony. Welcome to my life. I have a few ideas for her. She could try scrapbooking, or writing letters, or going out to new places, or starting some sort of project. There's tons she can do, and I hope she finds something to occupy her time.

Crystal says she's doing fine. But then again, when has that statement rung true for her. Something like this...it can't bring good for her. I know there will be other relationships in her life (to quote my mother) but this one...was special...was crucial. At least to her. And I would agree. In the times of college, especially being in her position, Myra was like her life. Her anchor, her motivation behind every single F****** thing she did. It got her through the day. What with the upcoming Homecoming Dance, that she and Myra had made plans to. Now...well..now it's gone. I don't know who she has held onto so far. Andy I think, but I hope something or someone good happens to her to take things in a different direction. Preferrably in a positive one.

I'm still writing my stories. They're not getting posted until I have at least four chapters written, and then I'll post them one at a time, for leisure. I hope it's good, and I sent a copy of the first chapter of my story to Dawn, to look at. She is after all, an English teacher, my friend, and a certain someone's "Mistress" (she knows who she is)

I have no lunch money. Grr. My stomach is growling, but I know I can make it at least a few more weeks before I ask for more. Dad doesn't need to be asked for any right now. He's got enough on his mind. I can deal. It's not like my belly fat can't feed me for a few weeks. I've got enough of it.

Anyway on that subject, I'm still walking. I don't remember if I mentioned that yet, but if I haven't I still am. Also reading too. I've begun that back again. I've just finished Star Trek: Spirti Walk, Old Wounds, Book Two. I know for sure that the authoress (Christie Golden) will be publishing another, and I'm trying to look out for that one. It's a really really good story so far, and I can't put it down. She's a great author and I can only hope to be as good as her someday.

Well, I'm tired, and worn. I gotta go to bed. I love you all and I wish you a good night.

Love,
Jere