Well...wtf?

This is so fucking stupid. I'm so...I don't know...angry. Crystal and Myra are going through a rough patch right now. Or at least that's what it would seem. See I don't know and they don't know. Why? Lack of fucking communication. God damn. If only Myra wasn't so god damn stubborn.

I'm worried. Because if this ends, then something great, and wonderful, and really influential in my life will have ended. The same goes for them. The world it seems, or at least our worlds, will have lost something great. I hope Myra fucking realizes that.

It's just so stressful, to both me and Crystal. I know I shouldn't be bothering myself with it, that I should wait it out, on the sidelines while they do what they need to....but I just...can't. I'm Crystal's brother and that makes me feel like I got some sort of duty to her...to her happiness...to her relationship.

Maybe I'm just being dumb. I don't know. I'm just so fucking tired of life right now. I can't seem to escape things. I know it sounds so god damn selfish of me....but I can't just...keep going on empty. It seems like nothing keeps me happy anymore. Like my life is falling to shreds.

I hate to admit this. But I'm starting to think that Crystal was right when she told me I couldn't handle things alone. I remember what she said. "I'm scared to go to college. Not for myself but for you. I worry about you Jeremie. I worry about how you'll handle yourself with me and mom gone. All you're going to have is dad and Robin. That's it. I'm not going to be able to be here for you like I have."

Everything's fine except me. I'm holding up in school, cause shit that's easy. I'm holding up a relationship with my father, and I'm keeping up with housework. It's just me. Was that what she meant when she left? That she feared I would go back to being a recluse like I used to be? That I would crumble without some sort of support system, that only she and mom and friends have been able to provide for me? Two out of three is gone from that support system, in the immediate vicinity. What does that make me then? Weak?

I told her I could do it. I told her I can handle things plenty fine on my own. I can. and I try.

Thanks for lettin me vent people.

Jere